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How To Cow Tip (Humor)

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The stereotypical Arkansas pastime of days gone by. This is what your grandparents did for fun (or at least that's what the Northerners think). Don't try this at home!
Difficulty: Easy
Time Required: 60 minutes

Here's How:

  1. Get extremely drunk or extremely bored. Moonshine whiskey makes for the best cow tipping experience, but extreme boredom (teenagers with nothing to do) will suffice.
  2. Bring friends. Cow tipping is no fun without company!
  3. Find a pasture with cows. Everyone knows that everyone in Arkansas has cows so that won't be hard.
  4. Go at night so that you won't see the cow pies as you step in them...oh yeah, the cows will be asleep too.
  5. Find an isolated cow and be sure it's sleeping.
  6. Approach the cow against the wind. If you've been stepping in cow pies all night, the cow will smell you for sure if you are upwind of her and will run from the stench.
  7. Go for the tip! In a creeping motion, walk toward the cow, place both hands on one of its flanks, and push with a hard, but smooth stroke.
  8. RUN far away. The cow will wake up and tell all her friends about your stunt and they will stampede. The farmer won't be happy either (you don't want a hiney full of buckshot do you?).
  9. Go home to whittle or perhaps brew some more moonshine for your next cow tip!

Tips:

  1. Be sure the 'cow' you are trying to tip is not a bull. It is not wise to tip the bulls.
  2. Cows evolved to sleep standing up in order to better evade predators, obviously, since they can be tipped so easily, it didn't work.
  3. Don't try this at home! Cows have feelings too! Leave cow tipping alone to live in your grandparents memories.
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